Self help

 

I think somewhere along the way of having a good job, a good house, and a great partner, I’ve lost a part of myself. 

It never used to bother me to travel alone, to have dinner out alone, to make my own food, then do my own dishes after. It never used to bother me to go shopping alone, to go walking in the park alone, and to do photography by myself. I think along the way of coming out, of finding my community, of falling in love, I’ve lost the resilience I had in my core to survive this world alone.

Somewhere along the way, I thought teamwork and partnership might be nice. Somewhere along the way, I get too used to asking for help. Somewhere along the way, I’ve come to expect someone else to do the dishes when I cook, or maybe when I just had a busy and an ‘off’ day at work. Somewhere along the way, I’ve come to look forward to breakfast on weekends being made for me. Somewhere along the way, I find comfort in the things I didn’t have to do, no, fight, for myself.

Growth and comfort do no co-exist. No. Growth doesn’t come from expecting others to help. You will need to ask, and you will need to be able to be graceful in rejections. 20-year-old me know that too well. That’s why it’s called self-help.

I think somewhere along the way in getting rid of my sadness when I’m alone, I’ve lost a part of my joy that I found being alone. 

In the spirit of Mental Health Month, and following the advice of the straight white corporate dude who advises us all to be “mindful”, time to get back to the center core of a Buddhist.

Sit down and be quiet.