(No, not the Fall, as in autumn the season, the Fall of Democracy)
As I was walking to the office this morning, I saw the sculpture of the Indigenous Chief on 7th Ave. This is one of the very first photos I took on my very first snow day in Calgary. It’s been 10 years. And while I’m feeling nostalgic on a beautiful brisk fall morning, I couldn’t help but feel this city, this place, is rejecting me like cancer.
For those of you who don’t know (Well, most of you, since Canadian politics is a lot quieter and a lot less insane compared to the things that are going on around the world), yesterday, a small group of citizens (around 60,000 conservatives) elected the next Premier of the province, someone who is a known Trump fan, against the vaccine, and campaigned upon the ideology of everything against the federation and federal. In her lengthy 20 minutes victory speech, in the barrage of attacks on progressive parties and politicians, vaccines, education, and healthcare, no mention of LGBTQ and other human rights (aside from the call to be compassionate to seniors). It is deliberate. We all know the “grassroots” conservatives that support her hate people like us, and by not bringing this up, she hopes to have the cake and eat it too. Federally, we have a Conservative leader that flirts with the alt-right, white supremacist, and veiled length video of “Make Canada great again” in the form of woods.
A lot of my Canadian friends have tried to calm me – dismiss my concerns as overblown and overt anxiety. “We’re not that bad” – they said. “Canada is still a lot more moderate than in the US” – they said. I wonder if anyone has experienced this feeling of “others”, this feeling of “you are welcome here because you are who you are and we like you and your talents and your tax dollars, but your people we don’t want”. During the height of the pandemic, articles about Chinese immigrants in BC (and even ON). Articles about the “replacement” theory gain mainstream recognition. The ongoing attack on the trans community, even from the leader of a major party in Canada. You are welcome here in Alberta until you are a visible “other”; until you stop being the courted vote, the successful able body cis person.
I remembered vividly 10-11 years ago, having a conversation with my friend from Singapore, a gay immigrant, discussing leaving or staying in Singapore. You may not know this, but Singapore has one of the most anti-LGBTQ laws and a hostile environment for developed countries. The country is beautiful, wealthy, safe, etc. but teachers do get fired for being gay, gay marriage is NEVER going to be a possibility, and when I left gay sex is still a criminal offense. Anyhow, my friend said, “If you love a place, you don’t leave, you stay and make it better. You stay and you changed it”.
I did stay in Vietnam. I went back to Vietnam. I tried to make a difference from a position of strength and power. And all I had was rejection and heartache. And I left in heartache.
People often mistake me for being resilient, adaptive, and being able to make huge fundamental changes. They don’t know that I’m the one who leaves. Sometimes, winners win by quitting toxic environments and situations that are no longer beneficial and nurturing for them.
I guess, now, we will have to see, if I have enough courage and if I love this place enough to stay, and change it, and make it better.
Pace Fine Arts 