I was photographing a wedding signing on Sunday, and it hits me in all the feels. I’m a sucker for weddings. Say what you will, but I’m a romantic at hearts, and in the world where I am cynical about everything else, I love love. (Also, all of the people I have taken wedding photos for are still together and having children. So I guess there is something auspicious about my photography)
The truth is, there has been a bit of turbulence in my life lately. Well, nothing major really, mostly internal. Why wouldn’t there be? With the world in chaos, wars, mass shooting, the slow decline into authoritarian regimes, mass layoff in tech, brilliant and not so briliant CEO jerks, tech fraud, anti-science political leaders, etc. the list of source of anxiety goes on. I’ve been asking more and more mid-life-crisis questions lately. “If it’s not Software, then what? What marketable skills do I even have for myself?” It is a scary thought, that as a society we place so much values on the jobs we do and the title we hold.
I keep telling myself, what is there to complain about? My life, at least on the surface, is great. We have physical safety, financial safety, and some degrees of psychology safety. But as people often said, all your feelings are valid. It can be pretty lonely, really, in this place, where whenever you try to express yourself, people brush it off and invalidate it. “But you’re so talented. But your life is so great.” Maybe that’s the problem itself. I tried to open up to others. I tried asking for help. But I’m afraid to be let down. People take and they take. And here I am, forced to be grateful about my life, remained a punching bag or a convenient “gay best friend” whenever people need to vent.
And as I turned and I looked at this scruffy bearded man that I met 7 years ago, I couldn’t help but feeling grateful. In the world of all of the above, and in his world of mini turbulence and uncertainties itself, we have each other. In the world where I’m cynical about my role in it and how others perceive me, there is one thing I do know for certain, our roles in each other’s life and how we perceive each other. And I’m thankful for that.
Maybe, just maybe, that is enough. In this world of all of the above, we living our true authentic lives, loving each other, loving the abstract concept of acceptance and unconditional love, it is enough.
(Had this note in progress and drafting for couple days now. Somehow, it ended up finishing on American Thanksgiving day. I do have an auspicious way about love and gratitude)
Pace Fine Arts 