The night before Christmas

(This is the first part of a year end two-parter: Year in review + looking ahead) 

2022 was … well… wild. It is hard to describe a year with so many surprises, so many ups and downs, and so many instability. But I’ll try.

As we were heading out of the pandemic (and some might argue we are not even out yet), this created an extreme uncertain time in humanity. Politics become so polarized that even a right wing leader like the Permier of our province got kicked out for “not being Pro-freedom enough”. The discourse becomes so binary and nasty that it has become pure theater. Great leadership is few and far between. The invasion of Ukraine by Russia see the West scrambling, searching for its soul once more. The roller coaster ride, first heated, non stop acceleration of tech, and then the correction with the crash of crypto, FTX, and now massive layoff. It’s been wild

On the personal front, I unceremonously turned 37. We traveled internationally again. We finally took that honeymoon that has been delayed for 2.5 years. We decided not to adopt. We decided not to move. My parner decided to get out of provincial politics for now due to above said nastiness. My brother got laid off. I was turned down for a promotion. 

Perhaps, the theme of this year would be self doubt. Not that I doubt my values, my core, my intelligence, or my ability. I know I am a good person and I want to do good for the world. I know I can learn and be better at things, maybe even be great at things. The doubt is whether these are the things that I want to continue to do, and whether the world sees my values as I see it.

With tech the way it is, with tech biollionaires and tech gurus exploiting people, with the widening gaps of the haves and haves not, with the world rewarding horribly selfish, self-centered, explotative individuals, I couldn’t help but wonder, do I want to be there? Do I want to be one of these “so-called” leaders? I didn’t mind that I didn’t get the promotion (I had a hunch), what made me wonder more than anything was the feedback that I got. “You need more network. It’s about your brand name and the people you know. I have 4000 followers on Twitter.” “You need to be more strategic. We need to hear your voice at strategy meetings.” (which I more or less don’t get invited to). I could not help but wonder, I am already working at one of the most progressive and diverse teams in one of the most progressive and diverse company in Alberta, and this is the feedback I’ve got, what chance in hell do I have anywhere? People don’t get opportunity to be in strategic meetings and board rooms and access to mentorship to these places, and for the lack of these experience, they will never get there. 

With the world the way it is, with liars and violent agitators winning and getting what they want, or at least not being held accountable for their actions, I could not help but wonder, is there hope for us? What is the point? Look at our leaders here in Canada. Look at the opposition leaders. None of them inspire confidence, or even just simply inspire. Zelensky, a comedian actor, in a war against one of the most powerful nations (and bullies) in the world, steps up and leads, and be the beacon of hope his nation needs. Our leaders are pondering destroying our Constitution to protect the right to plastic straw.

So maybe this year, for Christmas, I wish for hope. If Santa or whoever can just deliver hope in a package. No gift wrap required. If all I can have this year, is a direction, a manual, a guidebook, for how I can translate my values, my belief, my hope, my faith, and my ability, into a path forward, I’d really appreciate it. I’m feeling truly lost in this wild wild world.