My prayers to the universe get more confusing by the day. The world that I live in is complex, messy, imperfect, and at times utterly overwhelming.
I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my family, my friends, and the safe and peaceful country and welcoming community that I live in.
Yet, at the same time, I could not help but wonder. “What if I wasn’t gay? What if I was white? What if my parents were upper middle class, or not Vietnamese? Could I have gotten further than I have now? Would I move faster in my life if I wasn’t set back by my immigration, by my background?”
I am grateful for my career. I am grateful to have met Jeffrey, Elise, Gerard, Sean, Nav, and countless other mentors who have helped me shape a career that is unique to me. I am grateful for the opportunities that have come my way.
Yet, at the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder, how far could I have come without my baggage of a queer brown immigrant? A CEO asked me casually over conversation “Why didn’t you apply for that CTO role? Sounded like it was up your alley.” – “I did throw my hat in the ring, actually. They wanted someone with more… I guess … gravitas.” I know. Gravitas. As my HR friend put it “Because you are not a pompous arrogant asshole, babe”
I am grateful as I am getting older. Forty. In a few months. I still think the 30s were the best decade of my life (so far). I am proud of the man I’ve become. I am proud of my accomplishments. I am mostly thankful for having made enough money to afford my mental health care, my therapy, and my Lego (among other frivolous expenses).
Yet, as the window of the “Forty under forty” title drastically closes (my coworkers got it a few years back), I couldn’t help but wonder, “What more could I have done? How much harder must I have worked so the world notices?”
I am grateful. I am grateful for my peace, my privileges, and my ability to afford mortgage groceries, and gas. Yet, as the world burns and quickly descends into fascism around us, is that gratefulness selfish?
Life’s hard. Maybe I’ll go lie down and curl up a little.
Read this on the internet: “To ensure you don’t cram up from curling up on 8the floor for too long, get up and scream like a banshee out of your windows for 5 minutes every hour”
Pace Fine Arts 