We just came back from 2 weeks in Japan. It’s been a long-awaited trip. We wanted to celebrate my brother’s 30th birthday (he has always wanted to go to Japan) and my hubby’s 40th. We packed a lot of activities and places into the few days we were there, and we had a blast. The weather was phenomenal, which is always such a gamble for spring. And while it’s an off-peak season, and a week before the sakura were predicted to bloom, we got tons of early sakura anyway. So I would say it’s a pretty successful trip (much better than my 40th trip in California, I’d say)
Of course, people know Japan for the amazing sights. It has a really great mix of well-preserved nature and bustling cities everywhere. We even got to Mt. Fuji in the sun. It was a bit of a detour and logistics to get there, but it’s so worth it. We also saw the Bamboo forest in Osaka, the temples in the rain in Mount Fuji, the pagoda on top of a mountain in Kyoto, and many amazing parks all around.
Balancing that with the night landscape and the sprawling cities of lights and tall buildings, be it Tokyo, Osaka, or Kyoto. Figuring out the train system was both interesting and fulfilling. We got to most of the places we want to go without much delay or getting lost.
Of course, being a Zen Buddhist with a cultural nerd hubby, we visited a lot of shrines, temples, and castles. I never stop being amazed by the Japanese people’s culture and ethos in life. “The middle path”, as I explain it. They follow rules to a fault, yet pay extra attention to minor improvements like bus seating, lines, and systems. They tend to be reserved and careful, but warmed up quickly and tried really hard to help when we had a question.
If there’s anything that gives me pause and makes me a bit sad, it’s how tourists and visitors have turned this place into a bit of a madhouse and made a lot of religious sites a spectacle or a commercial place. Charms are made for the cuteness effect for purchase. Buddhist prayers for wealth and financial gains are common (which is not the goal, really). I get it, and I understand it, yet it still made me sad. I found myself not praying for much. All my prayers, as cliché as it is, are for Peace and safety for all being (given all the things that are happening outside right now). I guess I am pretty lucky not to rely on wishes and 100 yen exchange with the gods and Buddha for material things that I want.
Of course, no visit to Japan (or any of my travels, really) can be complete without amazing food. Thanks to my brother’s research, we ended up in a couple of really good places. Food prices were extremely reasonable. The restaurants took forever to serve food, but their food is always meticulously crafted and tastes amazing. We had a diverse diet from seafood to wagyu, from charcoal grill to deep fried, from elaborate set meals to simple beef bowls. It was fantastic!
Bonus, of course, is that we got sakura. We got a few blooming trees here and there throughout the visit, and then boom, the night before we came back to Tokyo, city officials declared that it is officially sakura season, and we started seeing them everywhere in Tokyo. We spent a lot of time in public parks, national gardens, and being those cringe tourists who haven’t seen sakura in Japan.
Of course, being us, we spent a lot of time doing Pokémon-related things. We went to 6 Pokémon centers (2 of them Mega centers) and 2 smaller Pokémon stores. We went to the Pokémon theme park that was just opened in February. We spent about $800 in Pokemon merch. No matter how old we get, we are always children at heart, and that’s what I love about us. Just 2 childless adults spending adult money on all the children’s things.
It being the last leg of the trip, and we had a bit of free time, we decided to check out the local gay scene for a bit. Of course, I am instantly transported to the same space I was in 20 years ago in Japan. Racism and hierarchy are the default in the gay community. Establishments can (and will) turn down people who “do not fit their preference or standard clientele” (Read: “No fat. No femme. No (Southeast) Asians.) Except now I have unlocked a new achievement. “No one over 40” is another criterion. It made me sad. It reminded me of a time in my life where we were so in danger, and we were so desperate for community and connection in our lives, and the gay community is the most toxic and discriminatory against our own kind, because of our skin and our heritage. The call comes from inside the house.
I had a bit of an argument with my husband. I think he always understands racism at the abstract concept level. He understands what happened to me. But he doesn’t understand how I feel. And I don’t think he will ever understand the experience of being rejected and being ignored, no matter what you do, and how hard it is to see him just show up and be the center of attention in Asia, just because he is white. Of course, neither of us can change the color of our skin or who we are. I don’t want to be made to feel like a crazy one, and having to keep explaining racism to white people. I don’t want him to be made to feel like he can’t enjoy the attention. I don’t know how to change that. I could not sleep that night. I had a lot of doubts about our future, even my plan to eventually move back and live in Asia. We will both get older. I will keep getting ignored and being transparent. He will keep getting more attention from ever-younger, hotter Asians. We can’t change the society that we are in. We can’t change who we are and what we look like. Where does that leave us?
We are back in Canada. Over dinner yesterday, we reflected on the trip. We agreed that we really enjoyed Japan. We might even love being there. Love is a strong word. We really enjoyed being there, I guess. We also agreed we couldn’t live there, no long-term. People romanticize Japan like an ideal world that is out of this world, only existing in anime and movies. It is indeed special, but not perfect. The people there have real struggles, just like us humans. They have fear and jealousy, and some turned into xenophobia, and others shut down. We even saw an anti racism protest by a sakura tree. The real Japan, deeper than the amazing sights, cities, food, and people, is just as messy and as demanding as anywhere. It is just like Canada in 2010 for me. Canada was an ideal place that only exists in my uncle’s stories, in beautiful imagery, and in an unshakeable faith that I could find a home, and I could be married and with a family there.
Beware of dreams coming true, because they do.
And when they do, and when you are privileged enough to travel and be transported back to a site that you were 20 years ago as a poor, broke, closeted foreigner, you realize how far you have gone and how much of an amazing man you have become. I remembered the first time my Visa was rejected by Japan (I didn’t have enough money in my bank account), I told myself, “Japan will still always be there. You will outgrow it, and when you come back, you will get to experience it the way it was meant to be.”
I told my husband throughout the trip, whenever we had to change our plans or whenever something inconvenient happened, a Zen saying, “Everything is already perfect, as it is.”
The trip was great, not because Japan was perfect, not because our life is perfect, but becayse everything happened by chance before (my life), during (our booking and the weather), and after (our reflection and experience) are already perfect, as they are.
Pace Fine Arts 