Category Archives: Uncategorized

  It started relatively early for me, since I was in my early twenties, that I wanted to become a stay-at-home monk when I get older. It’s an oxymoron, I know, as one does not set goals to be enlightened. But I set goal to everything 🙂  Perhaps it’s not by accident that all depictionsContinue reading “Garden vs. Chaos”

  I think somewhere along the way of having a good job, a good house, and a great partner, I’ve lost a part of myself.  It never used to bother me to travel alone, to have dinner out alone, to make my own food, then do my own dishes after. It never used to botherContinue reading “Self help”

 “It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and, gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe.” – Joy / Everything Everywhere All atContinue reading “The everything bagel”

Every good story is a trilogy  I’m coming home, as the bubbly attendant at the gate is announcing, “If Calgary is home”, I couldn’t help but wonder, is it? Is it still? The pandemic has been hard. Marriage has not been easy. Jobs changes have not been easy. Losing friends and not having time forContinue reading “In the pursuit of stories – Part 3”

In Chicago, some old stories are revisited, reversed, and renewed. I visited Chicago 16 years ago. I only had a brief 2 days here, there was a shooting, and I was only a very scared young foreign student to be traveling alone. Well, technically I got stuck at Chicago Ohare airport A LOT (Thanks, United),Continue reading “In the pursuit of stories – Part 2”

  So I met the 28-year-old resident for a “date” (don’t freak out, I asked for permission, the guy knows I’m married, and we didn’t do anything). We spent four hours walking around Boston, through the parks, the bridges, the streets. The diffused sun behind us illuminated his teal jacket, as if a tasteful indieContinue reading “In the pursuit of stories – Part 1”

(No – I have not gone crazy. This is called Meditation – For easy to follow, I have called alternative me Mr.P) Mr.P: “How’s Boston?” Me: “it’s going great I think. Gorgeous weather. Sunshine. Warm. Not usual this time a year in Boston. I’m a bit too early for the spring flowers. But it’s stillContinue reading “Conversation with myself in the quiet”

Whenever I am at peak escapism, the song I listen to is Boston – Augustana. Which is funny, because I never really love Boston that much or thought about moving to Boston. I guess it is just the fantastical romance of it all “You don’t know me. You don’t even care. You don’t know me.Continue reading “Boston”

 “You’re not here. When you’re here, you’re not here.” I don’t know how often, how loving, or how loud I have to say certain things for them to be heard. I don’t know if we should pay someone $190 an hour so that they can be a proxy to say it. I don’t know ifContinue reading “What do I really want?”

  Can you be surrounded by people,and still be alone? Can you have friends without the burden of their problems? Can you have love without being desired? Can you carry the weight of the lights, with the vast emptiness of the shadow? I asked myselfin the shadow. “What is wrong, love?” – they askand theyContinue reading “In the shadow”