Seven

(I highly recommend you read this related post from last year before reading this one: https://pace-fine-arts.com/2025/08/05/six/)

As I was searching for hetero people’s mundane milestones for a seventh anniversary, the first thing that came up was the “Seven-year itch”, which is a popular idiom suggesting that happiness and satisfaction in a marriage or long-term relationship begin to decline after about seven years, often leading to restlessness, boredom, or the temptation to be unfaithful. I know. Dark. Are straight people ok?

So, in the absence of a witty premise, I started reflecting on the seven years we had together since our wedding day. A lot had happened; but if anything, nothing was ever boring or mundane. We’ve been through a lot together. In the last year alone, we saw another job loss, another major transition, a global AI meltdown, the Alberta separatist movement, the world literally on fire, an Empire in decline, another war, etc. And as hard as it was to sit with all that anxiety and restlessness, it’s even harder to actively remember to be grateful. We have peace where we are. We are healthy. We are safe. And we have each other.

We had a fight the other day. And I asked, “Have you ever thought about the possibilities of what will happen if we break up?”

He said: “I never thought about that. I made a vow. Vows are forever!”

And I said: “I thought about it. I thought about it a lot, actually. You know me; I am not one limited by some construct such as a vow, ‘traditions,’ or even a legal framework. People grow. Life circumstances change. Life is short, and I refuse to let any of us be miserable. You can have all my money if we break up. We can certainly break up. But I don’t want to break up. I choose to stay together. I actively choose to be here. I actively choose to be with you because I love you, and I love us, and I want to keep working on us and fighting for us. So you see, I choose you. I actively choose you. Not because of obligation. Not because of legal obligations or vows or anything. I choose you for you.”

Now I would say that is much more romantic 😉 It’s not limited or trapped. It’s boundless, and active, and allows room for growth. It allows for thought experiments and growth thinking instead of the paralyzing fear of “breaking the vow.” I would say, if anything, it’s a lot more freeing and liberating.

Seven years is a long time to be with someone every day. It is a sixth of my lifetime, at least a third of my time as an adult, and more than half of the time I have lived here in Canada (and about the same as the time I spent in Singapore). That is to say, it was important for me that we grow together, grow up, grow old, grow accustomed to each other, and grow with the world around us. I want to continue to grow together. Whenever I see old people holding hands walking in public, I would say, “Old people in love. Gross.” I want to grow old and be gross together.

So, dear readers, I will report back next year on whether the “Seven-year itch” is real for queer people. For now, we are on track to be old and in love and be gross together, at least for another year until the next review cycle.

Happy seventh anniversary!